How To Avoid Marriage Disasters During Renos

I’ll admit it. I’m a serial renovator. I guess that’s no surprise, seeing as I do it for a living. I have lived through 4 major home renos of my own,  and one entirely new build. Stress? Relationship stress? One of my best friends blames the end of her marriage on a large kitchen and bath addition. Let’s talk.

I see two things lead to disharmony when issues arise: budget, and “wants.” Let’s start with the budget. When money causes contention, it’s usually because one person thinks the marble tile is well worth the extra bucks, while the other is having hourly panic attacks over a (fictitious?) budget that was long ago blown to pieces. I’m no marriage counselor. (I’m already on marriage #2; I do really believe this one is working out). But most folks considering a reno would really benefit from something my spouse loves almost as much as he loves me: spreadsheets. Don’t just ask your contractor or designer “how much is going to cost?” (Hint: see my blog on budgeting). Instead, start a spreadsheet of projected costs well before you start your project. Gather quotes on as many products and labor items as you can, and keep each item in that spreadsheet. As you move along in the build-out, update that spreadsheet with numbers actually spent, so you know where you are financially. Then you can better decide what extras are worth it and which are not. 

The second item of contention is “wants,” which might also be described as “wins.” Try to remember why you like that other person, and remind yourself that this is not supposed to be a power struggle. “Wants” need to be kept in perspective. One of you likes beige and the other likes blue. A good designer can help. Most items can be pinned down in a more relaxed way through the use of good vision boards, drawings, and renderings. As designers, we are used to taking the blue vs. beige debacle and coming up with a plan that both partners love. A good vision board and rendering can help both clients see that the end look is something they both love. Just realize that the more you decide in advance with your designer, the fewer arguments will occur on the floor of Cabinet Kingdom showroom. 

When all is done, winning, whether over money or style, won’t do you much good because it turns the chicest projects ugly. Remember kindergarten. Compromise is key. It’s more important to love and be happy with your partner than with your counter.